Put a Bullet Through my Head

Being a Teenager or anyone who is trying to discover oneself or the world outside, comes accross various observations, ideas, dilemma. This article is an excerpt of what goes in my Brain!


Thoughts rising in my mind, about to collide. Looking to define the world outside & inside me. Looking to make a change. Being ambitious, more and more. I’m believing in my thoughts. My thoughts are believing in me. I think I can do it.

But then the collision occurs. The moment of impact launches me into reality. Are my thoughts right? Can I do it? Can my thoughts do it? Can they change the world?

I’m getting nervous. Losing confidence in me being able to live my ambition! They were right, Ambition is the enemy of Success; realising it over and over again. So I think all I should want is some satisfaction at the end.

But living my perfect version of life is what gonna make me satisfied. Having known that I seized the moment. So I think my ambition isn’t about the goal, it’s about the journey. That perfect way.

So what is it?

Be in love. Love with the beauty in everything. Be a hopeless romantic. Believe in Mother Nature more than the plastic minds making the laws of society.

Ok, that’s the perfect idea, the perfect religion. That’s what the world needs to be saved from the Environment mayhem. I should think about it. Do research. Make sure it spreads, make the change. But how to do it. Write books, make films. But what if I’m not good at any of those. I haven’t done any of it yet.

I’ve been good at Science, though. You can see my School results. Technology, So fascinating. I think I can program a computer or something like that. I feel more secure with Science, working a corporate job somewhere.

But what about my thoughts. My ideas. How are they gonna spread? But I can’t just leave my reality. My pursuit to be successful. To be rich, I think. I love Science.

But will pursuing success, money or fame lead me to satisfaction? What does Satisfaction feels like?
I think I shouldn’t pursue them. I know that’s not the way. Countless stories have proven that.

So should I just leave my current pursuit in doing something I haven’t done before. Just dive into the unknown, take the leap of faith. But how could I do that? Science taught me to be reasonable, logical. That’s why I love Science, it’s the truth.

But what is the ultimate purpose of Science? To make the world a better to place to live in. But so does art & culture. The ever-Evolving Art of Living. So the scientific and unscientific minds can work together. Yeah, that’s what we need. Arts and Inventions.

I think we need to liberate ourselves from simply believing the unknowns, stop believing those plastic heads, stop rolling with the system.

So can I do that? Can I live the life I want? I’ll probably won’t be satisfied with the life that seems more probable at the moment.

But wait… Should I be thinking about my life. My existence and the existence of countless people. We were born one day and will die soon. Does it make a change except to the ones who were born one day and will die soon? So is there any meaning to life?

I think I’ll be satisfied if I discover the reason to life. Till then, I think I’ll believe that we owe it to Mother Nature. I think we also owe Her to live a life that we are supposed to live. Following signs she gives us all the time. But what is Mother Nature, exactly? Is it an actual person talking? Or are we just hypothesising to satisfy our curiosity?

But will our “civilized” society let me answer those questions? Let me live that life I want? Or will it just make me belive that putting a bullet through my head is easier? Make the collisions stop!

Author: Abhishek Agarwal

I love to look at the world & find out the best thing about everything that exist in it. I love analyse, express & debate. Bill Gates - Idol; Tech-maniac: Android fan; Fast Bowling - Dale Steyn Fan; Photographer; Blogger

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